Gibberish from the 02905

Reflections on 2009

2009-12-24T12:35:00.001-08:00

It's been almost a full year since I took the full-time plunge with my business and I'm actually still alive. I was terrified that I would fail miserably and wind up begging my old employer for a contract in a matter of a couple of months. Of course, that is never outside the realm of possibility, but so far, I have managed to pay my bills without the help of the government for (going on) 5 consecutive months.

Being self-employed is a big adjustment, but I've gained a few nuggets of wisdom in the past year.

A. There are a lot of naysayers out there. People like my grandmother, who, after learning that I was going to focus on my business rather than find gainful employment in the corporate world, asked my mother when I was planning on getting a "real job." I am not upset by this mentality. Even I think I am still crazy for making this choice sometimes, but I have learned not to let other people project their fears and insecurities on me.

B. Entrepreneurship is a huge risk. Especially for a person like me. My boyfriend makes a modest income as a proofreader, but I am still responsible for exactly one half of our household bills, along with personal bills (like my stupidly huge car payment). I see this as a HUGE positive. If my partner made enough to cover all of our bills, I might be tempted to lighten up on my work load and not be as aggressive or serious about growing my business. I believe that complacency can work against you.

C. I have become quite educated regarding taxes. Both from a self-employment stand-point, as well as tax collection and payment. God, I wish there was a nice, Cliff Notes version of this out there for people just starting out. Unfortunately, the IRS has made it difficult (as well as individual state governments) to outline your responsibilities. I personally think this is done on purpose, so that you are naively non-compliant with some-such thing and forced to be fined later on. The IRS isn't stupid.

D. Ok, this is really cliche and corny, but I believe that there are no limits to what you are capable of. The only obstacle is you. If you let the Negative Nellys occupy the real estate in your brain, you will never realize your own potential. Life is short and, despite what other people might suggest, you are in control of it. Of course, I say this as a person who has no children. But I am also able to balance my budding business while helping to care for my mom, who battles stage-four cancer. I believe that I have found something that I am terrifically passionate about. I don't know if I will ever find anything else that gives me such satisfaction, so you bet your boots that I will do whatever is necessary to keep my business afloat, even during this crap economy.

I am really excited about the new year and what it brings my little soap business. I hope I can continue to pay the mortgage with suds!

I should also add that I believe that a certain amount of luck and positive connections have brought about wonderful things this year. A great deal of strength can be gained when you join forces with other small business people. From actual, profitable ventures to encouragement and Chicken Soup for the Soul type conversations. It's been a great and rewarding journey so far. And this is really just the beginning.

He uses the word "fart" too much, but I still love the book.

2009-10-18T05:01:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong. I still crack up when I hear the word "fart." But it can be overdone. Maybe that's my only real criticism of David Cross' first book, "I Drink for a Reason." Am I wrong to think he's sexy? I have never had traditional taste when it comes to what draws me to the opposite sex. Which is why I still don't understand why I married my Banana Republic lovin' ex-husband. Oh, right, he's a wacko! Anyway, in most instances, I prefer skinny, nerdy, Jewish, funny dudes to the "People Magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year" types. Unfortunately, I must emit something all together too Catholic (maybe they can bottle my pheromones, call them "Schicksa" and sell them) because only one Jewish boy ever found me date-worthy. And he was half Sicilian.

So, about the book. I remember reading David Sedarias', "Naked" on the subway and laughing out loud. Well, "I Drink for a Reason" caused the same thing to play out. Except I was minding my booth at the Providence Open Market (bundled up in many layers of clothes, drinking coffee that had become crazy cold). There is one chapter that really put me over the edge called, "Things to Do When You're Bored." One of his suggestions involved an iPod and a shoe store. I read it, like, four times. In fact, I am fending off an urge to go downstairs and get the book to read that piece again. I also really enjoy the way some things stay in his craw indefinitely. Like his hatred for Jim Belushi. Some people might find that to be annoying. Just get over it, David Cross. Not me. Don't get over it! It's funny! He sounds like a total prick. And I hated that he got a television show several years ago. What segment of this country is sitting there waiting for Jim and the person they cast as his wife to entertain them? As I recall, the woman was waaaaaaaaay too attractive to give a guy like him a second glance, let alone marry him. I really hate that, by the way. How they pair the fat/old guy with some young, shapely lady. And he's always a really obnoxious a-hole and she's always all, "Oh, you!" or maybe she's really the smart one and at the end of the episode he has to thank her for setting him straight. It started with the Honeymooners and for some reason, it gets played out over and over and over. Either people like that shit or people think that people like that shit and they get tricked into watching it and maybe developing a sick liking of it. Whatever.

I also found all the Mormon bashing to be wildly hilarious. If you ever read "Under the Banner of Heaven," you, too, will enjoy a little Mormon bashing.

Random thought: Why do people say, "Well, me, PERSONALLY, I don't much care for (such-and-such)." Forget for a second that it is grammatically incorrect, but isn't it obvious that it's you? Do you need to add the "personally" part?

My New Co-Workers

2009-10-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

When I first went full time with my soap business, one of the things that I worried about was lack of social interaction on a regular basis. At first, this fear proved itself out. I was getting a little stir crazy, but since I have been working the local markets every week, I have found that I have new co-workers. You don't become friendly with other business people overnight, but when it does happen, you start to feel like you belong to a new family. And the cool thing is that everyone has a deep passion for what they do and has taken the same financial risk. As a bonus, you get to trade your goods for other goods and wares - all handcrafted and local. So, I usually leave the farmer's market with rice and fried plantains, fresh bread and scrumptious pie or pecan rolls. At the open market, I can zip across the park and say hello to my friend, Mary, who runs a local, organic herb farm in the middle of the city. I buy my lavender and calendula from her and her local products gets put right into my local products. It's a beautiful thing to help support each other.

I have joined forces with a group of local crafters to form a small coop called, Rhody Craft 100. We are 100% local, 100% handmade and all within 100 miles of Pawtucket Artiste Village where we will be setting up a small retail shop from November to January. It's going to rule.

Finding these new folks has been such a comfort, but also very exciting. My friend, Jenn, makes these really cool, sarcastic greeting cards. She and I have lunch at a local coffee house on a now regular basis. We talk about our businesses, the things that scare us and the stuff we love.

Some weeks, I make my numbers. Some weeks, I don't. But I am now on my 2nd month free of unemployment benefits and though I am not living big, I can proudly say that I am able to pay my share of our bills with money I have made from my little soap business. I know that my business will grow and that soon I will have a little extra cash, but in the meantime, I am trying to focus on the positive and remain excited about the future. I would rather do what I love and eke by than continue to work in a job that I've lost interest in.

Catch Up

2009-07-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

I have been neglectful here. Pretty bad gap in writing on ole Gibberish, I must say. Things have been hopping in soap land and most of my postings have been on my business blog and short, random updates on Facebook.

WORK

Though I am still getting used to the new routine, after four months things seem a lot more regular. I am a list person, now more than ever. With great freedom comes great scheduling responsibility. Jere just got a full time gig as a proofreader/copyeditor for a computer company, so this will lighten my financial burden a smidge. I have been working a number of markets, getting wedding favor business, and doing wholesale in addition to accepting orders on my website. I am trying to create a number of revenue streams so that I don't have to rely on just one or two. My dream is still to have that storefront, but most of the people I speak to who have stores tell me not to do it. That it isn't worth the additional overhead, etc. I think eventually, I will tire of transporting my store to various locations every week, but for now, it's fun.

RED SOX

We caught Jim Rice's induction on television yesterday afternoon. What a great ceremony! And in typical Jim fashion (no pun intended), he wore a spectacular tie. Congratulations, Jim! No more white knuckle rides - you are in!

Saturday night's victory was much needed. Lester was his usual, dominant self. Even from the bleachers, we could see flames shooting off the ball after he released it. Amazing guy, that Lester. Too bad about yesterday's loss, though. I thought we were on our way to regaining our place at the top of the division. I guess we are back to our usual post-All Star Break struggle. Unfortunately, this is about when the Yankees start heating up.

PROVIDENCE

Speaking of heat, we had the pleasure of attending the city's first water fire event! It happened conveniently after an event I worked on Westminster street at the beginning of the season. They are pretty amazing. If you like fire, by all means go to one of these things.

I feel like I am really bonding with the city. We've been here almost a year now and since going full time with Stella Marie, I have had a lot of opportunities to meet new people. It's a very unique, down-to-earth place. Perfect mix of urban/suburban. We live in the ity, but we have a yard and a garage and a driveway. It's also centrally-located to all the places we visit regularly. The ocean is always near, which is key for us. It is culturally diverse. It has a huge, kickass pulic park where they actually rent kayacks.

SHOUTS OUTS

Congratulations to ...

... my friend Ilene on her wicked pissa new release of children's music. This time, she has teamed up with her friend Tamara (her first release was with our friend, Steve) to create a bunch of fun kids' songs.

... our friends Anthony and Caitlin who are tying the knot this coming month!

... my friends Lyn and Pete who will be weloming their first child later this year!

... my mom - she is doing brilliantly! No chemo in 3 months and her cancer remains stable. She is looking and feeling great! She had a strontium injection a couple of weeks ago and this is supposed to target her bone metastisis. She has a lot of them in her pelvis and lower back. It takes 4 weeks to feel the results, so fingers crossed.

(wow, I just realized that this post is very "church newsletter"-like. Weird.)

I Don't Get This

2009-05-24T06:16:00.001-07:00

You have probably heard about Etsy.com, the online indie market. It's huge and wonderful, filled with amazing, handmade items - stuff you could never find at your local Target, CVS or Newbury Comics.

When you join the zillions of people selling their goods on Etsy, you really have to work hard to get noticed. You have to join forums and have showcases and who knows what else. It is a very competitive place. I'd rather direct people to my own web site, but I do get an occassional, unexpected sale on Etsy which is always nice. What I find to be a real shame when I peruse the other soap stores on Etsy is how an AMAZING soap maker like Ladybug Soapworks can have less than 100 sales while a hack "soap maker" can enjoy hundreds of sales. I am not going to mention any names, but I am speaking, generally, about people who have crummy photography and who use the melt & pour technique without any real creative element (I have seen some people make stunning soaps using melt & pour, but it is not the norm and the average person can't appreciate the difference between melt & pour and a lovely, handmade soap from scratch).

Etsy. It's a jungle out there.

Big Sister Program

2009-05-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

I may not be "mommy" material, but I would still like to make a difference in a child's life. I just signed up to be a Big Sister and this is looooong overdue. I am really looking forward to meeting my Little Sister!

Whole Foods Update

2009-05-15T14:28:00.001-07:00

Can be found here.

Bruins Stinker

2009-05-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am not really a hockey fan, per say. As I've stated in the past, I am addicted to baseball and in the last three seasons or so, I've folded basketball into the mix. It's really all I can find the time to follow when I'm not knee deep in the soap.

Having said this, I must express my empathy to all of the Bruins fans who had such faith in this team. It really did seem as though they had the momentum to go all the way. I know the "punch in the gut" feeling that the B's fans will have to ride out over the next couple of days. It's a total pooper.

I hope the Celtics can win game 7 at home tomorrow. I've realized that Dwight Howard is a real "me, me, me" kind of guy. I can't believe the way he bad-mouthed Van Gundy so publicly. It's very selfish and disrespectful of your teammates, not to mention Van Gundy himself. Right or wrong, you work that stuff out privately. And Alston is a total jerk. No one slaps Eddie House in the back of the head and advances in the playoffs. No one!

The Truth

2009-05-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

Gonzaga.

That is my surname. Some of you know this, but some of you do not. The name is Brazilian and I've not a drop of Brazilian blood. I am part Polish (very proud!) and part French-Canadian (also very proud, but somehow the Polish part takes over the French-Canadian).

How did I come to have this name?

My grandmother (after her divorce from said Brazilian man) fell in-love with a married man, had an affair and became pregnant. This is how my father was born.

I did not know about this until after she passed away in 1986. I was upstairs in my room, bawling my eyes out (I loved my Grandma Stella so much and was very close to her) after her funeral. My parents came upstairs and told me the "truth" about my biological history. I was then told that we would never speak of it again.

Nice.

My father lived with his illegitimacy his entire life. He never sought after my grandfather. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I still admire the courage it took my dad to avoid seeking his natural father. This is something I don't think I could file away as neatly as my dad did ("He didn't give a shit about me, so I don't give a shit about him."). Still, I wonder about my grandfather. I wonder if he knew I even existed. I don't feel as though I missed out on anything, as I come from a very loving family who cherished me and made me feel safe and appreciated. But I think about him sometimes. And his wife, who didn't know what was going on. And his children, my aunts and uncles, who did not know about me or my dad.

It took a long time to be able to be public with all of this. After my parents told me about the whole thing, I felt that telling anyone would breach the trust I had with my mom and dad. But after a period of time, I realized that I wasn't going to be ashamed of who I was. I love my Grandmother, and that includes every decision she's ever made. Had it not been for her "bad" decision, I wouldn't be here.

There is so much I can say about this woman - I could write a book. Her bravery inspires me everyday. I could never feel ashamed by anything she did. I just wish I had had the opportunity to let her know, face-to-face.

Manny

2009-05-08T04:30:00.001-07:00

I thought I would be more up-in-arms about this news, but really I'm just kind of , "meh." I suppose, when he went to the other side of the country and to a different league, he just sorted of fell off of my daily radar. Plus, he was rubbing his new found love and success in our faces and I guess I it was just too hurtful to pay attention.

It sucks to learn about yet another dirty player. I always thought Trot Nixon would be the first big name former Red Sox player to be found out. I mean, I love Trot. Absolutely adore him with every fiber of my being. But, he had anger issues, big face & neck syndrome and frequent injuries. You tell me.

I feel bad for Joe Torre. He spent many years trying to manage around this guy and now he has to deal with his dark side. Meanwhile, the Red Sox enjoyed many a season with him before he was caught. The irony. That's why he gets paid the big bucks, I guess.

Whole Foods

2009-05-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

I just got accepted to attend the Whole Foods Local Producers seminar! I was sent an application a couple of weeks ago. They accept 26 people to come every time. I went all out. I gave them a copy of my media kit and a soap sample with the application. I also hand-delivered it.

I got the call this afternoon. This is a real honor. We have three Providence area Whole Foods markets. I am told that the seminar is a chance to meet with partners and to find out what the criteria is for getting your product on their shelves. In my case, I will be meeting with the Whole Body people. If I can meet the criteria, I will likely have Stella Marie in our local Whole Foods Markets!

Isn't this the bees knees?

Simone, Tell Me About Your Big But

2009-04-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

Jere and I attended yesterday's wacko Red Sox-Yankees game. I had a good feeling going into it, even though Beckett was shakier than I thought he might be. It was classic tit-for tat, but we ended the game 5 runs ahead. Strange, too, because we started the game with a 6 run deficit.

I don't know if it was because of hormones or what, but I was a little less patient with the crowd yesterday than usual. And it wasn't even the Yankee fans who irritated me (we were fortunate not to have been sitting near any of them). Here is a list of people who grind my gears at baseball games.

Drunky McGee
I enjoy a couple of beers at the park. Baseball, beer, hot dogs (veggie dogs, in my case) - it's all good. But, what I don't understand is getting shnockered by the 2nd half of the first inning. And there is always some person who is either comatosed in their seat or totally belligerent.

Glamor Puss
These women don't come to the game with the intention of watching it. They may not know much about baseball at all. They spend most of their time in the ladies room, touching up their makeup and gossiping about how "Chah-lie was checkin' me out." The sign says FENway, not RUNway, ladies! Aren't there better places you can take your fake tans and boobs?

Texter
I don't text people unless I have to. No matter how far along the technology has come, I still find it to be rather clunky. But I understand that I am in the minority. Especially at Fenway Park, where Jacoby can't steal a base without hordes of people reaching for their phones to text someone who is obviously desperately waiting for an update. You can put cell phone people in this category, too. Why pay for super expensive seats when all you are going to do is spend 9 entire innings talking on the phone?

New Borns
Baseball and kids are a natural combination. When you see a little boy or girl at the game for the first time, you get all excited for them, knowing that this is a really special experience. All of their favorite players are going to be standing on the field in front of them. I think, though, that your average 3-month-old infant might not understand why it's so loud and windy. I am always so amazed when I see moms and dads bringing babies that can fit in the palm of one's hand to the game, along with all the crazy equipment that goes along with the baby. How can you even fit that stuff in the aisle? Is it really worth it?

Chatty Kathys
"So, like, I was all, huh? And she was all, what?" These people kill me. There is an exciting play about to unfold and here they are in some intense conversation about who the hell knows. The funny thing is, they seem to get annoyed with everyone in their section when they respond to the game. Like we are all interrupting their little chat. How rude we are!

The Beach Ball
Not a person, technically, but what is the point of this?

Homophobes
One of the most disappointing experiences is bonding with the fan next to you, only to find out later in the game that they are a homophobe (or a racist). I hate those "Jeter Sucks A-Rod" t-shirts or whatever, too. Why do grown men (or anyone for this matter) still feel the need to insult people by throwing out homophobic slurs? It's embarrassing and hurtful. News Flash: No one is impressed!

The Jabber
Maybe this person is part Drunky McGee. You know who I am talking about, right? The first jab is an accident. Maybe they apologize, maybe they don't. The second time you feel the elbow jerk you in the arm, you start wondering. Pretty soon, they almost cause you to spill your beverage because there just isn't enough space to accomodate all of the insane hand gestures they are using to express themselves to the person next to them.

Feel free to share your favorite baseball game attendees.

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

Stella Marie made it into the Boston Herald today! Hurray!

Donuts

2009-04-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

I made these heart-shaped donuts yesterday morning. They are really easy and fun, but beware - your house can get awfully smokey from the frying. Jere tried to capture the cool-looking ray of sun caused by the smoke in the house. He's artsy like that.

100% vegetarian!

Becoming More Official

2009-04-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I just put a bunch of clams down for product liability insurance for Stella Marie. It had to be done. A lot of places will not allow you to sell your goods without it. I also got a real checking account for the business and a federal tax ID! I'm working on getting state tax IDs in the places I am going to be selling my stuff in, also.

I was pretty much tearing my hair out trying to get all this stuff together this week. Every state has different tax regulations, verbiage and permit requirements. Each state's government site is constructed differently. It is like trying to pull teeth to get yourself all legal and legit. I think they make it harder so that they can catch you doing something wrong (unknowingly) and fine you. It's probably one of those unwritten state revenue streams.

I also have to be careful about my earnings. The state of Massachusetts allows me to make a certain amount of money every week through my business without jeopardizing my UI benefits. This is a net amount, so though I can exceed that amount in sales, I need to figure out what the net value is every week when I file and be sure it does not go over.

Anyone want to come over and be my bookkeeper? I can pay you in soap.

Good Search

2009-04-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

You may already know about this, but there is a way you can raise money for your charity of choice just by doing internet searches. It's called Good Search. Every time I do a search, Community Change in Boston gets a penny, but it all adds up. If all of the people on their mailing list sign up for Good Search, then they get a whole lot of money each year. I don't normally promote stuff, but this is really a no-effort/no-brainer/no-excuses way to help out.

Crazy New Life

2009-04-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

Here is a breakdown of my crazy new life, so far.

Pluses:

- I love working in my own home, testing out new avenues for business, planning, creating and watching everything evolve.
- I get all giddy when an email arrives from a publication or event coordinator.
-I love that my schedule is flexible. I can be there for my mother, Jere, my family and my friends.
- I love that I am saving tons of money on gas and that I don't have to spend 3 hours a day in my car.
- I love that what I make is helping others by nourishing skin and taking stress out of their lives, momentarily.
- I love that my kitties can sit in my office while I work.
- I love that I can be myself in my business, infusing my products with my personality. I don't have to be someone else or pretend to like Michael Bolton to keep my job.
- Work doesn't feel like work. Not even this weekend when I had 2 events in Massachusetts, one ending at 10 PM on Saturday, the next starting at 9 AM on Sunday.

Minuses:

- I don't really punch out. If I'm not making product, I am marketing, researching, taking inventory, corresponding or forecasting. My head is constantly a-buzz. I don't mind it, but it's funny to watch a Corona commercial and see two people relaxing on the beach. This seems pretty foreign to me. I hope I feel differently this summer when we jaunt over to Block Island. I will try to leave the soap at home. Maybe.
- Not knowing exactly how the business is going to take shape is a little stressful, too, but it's exciting at the same time. I am trying to take any worries I have about money and channel them into productive tasks. I am lucky to have found a wonderful consultant who is going to help me with my business plan. I love the Small Business Development Center! It's a free service that offers real, tactile consultation. Their mission is fostering and growing small business at the local level. My consultant makes me feel like I have a partner.

Throwing Muses, 50 Foot Wave and Screaming Females at the Middle East

2009-03-15T05:27:00.000-07:00

My sore legs were worth it. We stood through five hours and three full sets of kick-you-right-where-you-pee music last night. At times, I thought: They know we are an aging crowd, why are they making us wait so long? But, really, I had no business complaining. They tore the roof off.

Screaming Females, a trio of indie-punky musicians from New Jersey, were a real breath of fresh air. The lead vocalist (and incidentally lead guitarist) was the mitochondria. She whaled, she screamed, she transported me. Her name is Marissa Paternoster, by the way. I hope Screaming Females can help turn the pathetic current bullshit music scene right on its head.

Hirsch and the crew did not disappoint (Except they didn't play Counting Backwards. Oddly, this single is not available on iTunes, either. Is there a connection?). It's hard to believe that voice could possibly come out of such a small woman. But it does. And I am ever-so-grateful. I've always gravitated toward female performers who aren't afraid to belt it out. I hate the girly-girl, baby-talk type performers. I won't mention any names (Jewel). Joanna Newsom is a rare exception for many reasons I won't get into here. Give me a gal who tears it up any day of the week! Throwing Muses, 50 Foot Wave and Screaming Females: A + + +

Lay-Away

2009-03-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

You know, when I was a kid, people put things on lay-away. If you wanted something, but didn't have the money for it, you would pay in installments (as much and as often as you like), until the thing was paid off. Then, you get to take it home! Hurray! The best part? No debt.

Perhaps, in lieu of these tough economic times, we ought to roll things back a few decades and revisit the whole lay-away idea. I understand that this is still done in some department stores, but with the popularization of credit cards and immediate gratification, lay-away has been muscled out of the picture.

Hate to sound old-fashioned, but lay-away might teach the younger generations a little about patience and the value of earning something.

Hazzard County

2009-03-05T03:39:00.000-08:00

I had a little scare on the road yesterday. I was driving in the far left lane on 495 N when the car in front of me came to a sudden stop. I slammed on my brakes to avoid rear-ending the person, swerving my car some, back and forth. I was successful. The person in back of me, however, was not so lucky. These things cause chain-reactions and the poor driver wound up driving right down into the snowy ditch. The worst part is that I couldn't pull over anywhere. There was no shoulder and my best shot to check on them was to pull over to the right, then walk across 3 lanes of traffic. This was not a safe option. So, instead, I drove all the way to work in a state of shock and nausea. I called the State Police to find out if the person as alright. I knew that their car was fine (meaning, it didn't hit anything going into the ditch), but I was concerned about the driver. The officer I spoke to assured me that they were fine. Whew!

When I got off of 495, I kept looking in my rear view, imagining that the person flew out of the ditch like Bo and Luke Duke. I thought that every white car was the ditch person coming after me to make me suffer their wrath. I'm sure these ridiculous thoughts will start up again today. I am my own worst enemy.

Touch Your Fear, Don't Be Afraid

2009-02-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last few weeks in a mental typhoon. At first, I was devastated to learn that educational publishing is being impacted so strongly by this economic crisis and that my job security had fallen victim to it. I then started thinking that this could be an opportunity in disguise for me to finally devote time and energy to Stella Marie. I began getting excited about this, especially as my friends and family encouraged me. A person like me doesn't have the luxury of a trust fund, a breadwinner (I am the breadwinner, actually), or lottery winnings (Although, I should confess that my co-workers and I have been playing it for the past few weeks. I am not much of a gambler, but hey), therefore I was caught in this cycle of working 40+ hours at my day job, then devoting whatever time and energy was left to my soap business. Oh yes, and I tried to have a life in the midst of it all. Being laid off is really the only way I can pop this thing into a higher gear. I am hoping that I don't have to collect unemployment insurance for more than a few months. I'll be working my tail off all year and I will probably have to give up most of my weekends for craft fairs and whatever events I can get myself into. I don't care. In the words of Black Flag, We are born with a chance. I will have my chance.

There is a bit of a caviat to all of this, however. Self employment could disqualify me from receiving UI (if they find out, and I don't plan on disclosing it). The irony is, Stella Marie could not exist without my publishing job. So, how do you explain this to the state of Massachusetts? It confuses me that a person who is highly motivated and wants to have a successful small business (collecting UI for as little time as possible) ought to be penalized while there are lots of people who stay on unemployment as long as they can while they half-heartedly look for a job. States should offer incentives for people seeking full time self employment. I'm going to suggest this to Obama right now.

Good News and Not So Good News

2009-01-31T05:25:00.000-08:00

The good news is, as of January 1st, I started working Fridays again. My mother's cancer is being managed well and she is stable enough, at this point, where I felt safe enough working 5 days (I took Fridays off to be with her, do stuff around the house, and give her husband a break). I was looking forward to the extra pay, too, since we just bought a house last summer and there are additional bills to pay.

The bad news is, my company isn't doing so hot. We just got word yesterday of some really drastic measures they are having to take to ride out this shitty economy. For me, this results in a 5% pay cut and losing my full time employee status. Everyone in the company will lose this status, too, except for directors. So, basically, if there isn't a project waiting for me when the one I am currently working on ends, I will be out of a job. This could happen as soon as March 15th. I am still far better off than a lot of people. My company is a wonderful, caring and highly ethical organization. They are doing everything possible to soften this as much as possible for everyone. I've heard some horror stories. Right before Christmas, the bank shut down a very large national developer and there hadn't been any notice to their employees whatsoever. People came to work and were greeted with locked doors. Can you imagine?

So, now I have to make some decisions. If I file for unemployment, we won't lose the house. But, we won't really be able to live without dipping into savings. We might have to get rid of one car, too. This isn't the end of the world, my any means. We don't have kids to provide for, so I am not really panicking. I am just in this bizarre place, professionally. I always wanted my current employer, whom I love, to be the last place I worked before going full time with Stella Marie. I am wondering if maybe this could be an opportunity in disguise. Part of me just wants to go nuts building my business. Truth be told, I would have to dig really deep to find enthusiasm for project management again. Plus, no one is really hiring right now. My heart says, KICK OUT THE SOAP, MOTHER F*CKER and my head says, "Go buy a new suit and polish off your resume."

Thank goodness I have a month and a half to live with this information. And who knows? A new project might come along come mid-March.

Meanwhile, George Bush sleeps oh so soundly.

My Dream

2009-01-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

I have a dream.

I want to open my own soap store. A real one with a door and a welcome mat. I want the sounds of kickass punk to come wafting out, along with the smells of all the bath goodies inside. In an ideal world, anyone who comes in can watch soap being made right before their eyes. I sort of envision a kitchen in the back with a large glass window for people to look through and demystify the process of making soap. I would like a bath salt bar, too, that works like a deli. You can purchase them by the pound. Bordering the walls will be photos of my heroes: favorite punk rockers, feminists, baseball players, civil rights activists. There will be a large porcelin tub in the window with a huge mohawk clad mannequin bather. She will be soaking in handblown glass bubbles. There will be a sink for testing soaps and body scrubs. Products will be made fresh, daily. One night a month, I will have "free facial day." I will also host events for friends, like maybe my neighbor can have a fashion show of her burlesque clothing. I would love to sell handmade bath crafts, too, like cool towels, soap dishes, candles and toilet seat covers.

I want this all so bad I could cry. I haven't a clue how to get from point A to point B. Especially with bills to pay. I don't know much, but I do know this: Businesses do not profit for like, 2 years. I also know that I am not getting any younger. I am angry with myself for not going after this with my usual gusto. I just feel stuck between *reason* and my passion for this goal.

Any advice?

I Don't Get People

2009-01-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

A little over a month ago, I noticed that my tire was getting a bit low. Cold air can cause this to happen. Jere and I pulled up to a gas station and filled the tire up. We drove home (we were in western Massachusetts at the time) and upon checking on the tire in the driveway, realized that we forgot to put the valve cap on. The tire was fine, but I thought it best to visit the nearest Benny's the next day and pick up a replacement cap.

While there, we saw that they had these cool skull caps. Without hesitation, we purchased them.

A few weeks later, I was getting into the car when I noticed that the skull cap was gone. However, the thief was considerate enough to replace it with their own plain-Jane style cap.

Who does this and why? Just when I was beginning to restore my faith in humans. Ugh.

About Damn Time!

2009-01-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

As soon as I find the t-shirt I made in 2003 to will Jim into the Hall of Fame, I will post a pic. For now, here is a happy shot of Coopertown's newest inductee, Jim Ed.