Time to Play Cancer or No Cancer!
I am emotionally drained and we don't even have a diagnosis yet. This morning, I spoke with my mother's neurosurgeon who basically said, "She has cancer, we just don't know what kind yet." I swear. No biopsies, no special blood work, nothing. The ground opened up beneath my feet. I was hysterical and had to leave work. All I wanted was to be with my mother. So we drove down to the hospital, my new home-away-from-home, and waited around for all this aggressive testing she was supposedly going to get. She got a new neck brace (her old one was horrible) and the results of her head and neck MRI (negative, thank God), but the hematologist didn't show and we didn't hear back from the neurosurgeon again. All I could think about was the fact that I buried my father 7 years ago and I couldn't bear to lose my mother, too. I am 36. Way too young to be totally parentless. Then I thought about Bill, my mother's new husband, whose first wife died of cancer. I proceeded to feel every human emotion possible today. But the fun was just starting when we left the hospital. After this exhausting day, my mom called me to say that she got a visit from her oncologist (cancer specialist) who thinks that she doesn't have cancer! I am now caught between believing the oncologist or not believing him for fear that it is cancer and my hopes will be dashed again. Life is going to suck until we know - definitively - whether or not she has cancer. And if she does, the suckage will continue.