Ladies, Please Take Note

Like so many women, I've got a shy bladder. I'm working on it. I hear that in Japan, background noise is piped into public restrooms to help people deal with this. There's nothing like a wasted trip to the ladies room. I've always admired people who can just open the flood gates the second they sit down. Some people have very forceful equipment. Sadly, I do not. When there are other women mucking around in there, I have this kind of pathetic stop-go trickle. I've tried to meditate and block out noises. I've tried to visualize large bodies of water. Not much works.

To add insult to injury, there is always some woman who, after exiting the stall, decides that she's going to futz with her appearance, indefinitely. You hear the sounds of someone smoothing out their clothes, heels clicking and shuffling, hair accessories snapping and unsnapping, zippers, etc. Sometimes, women are moved to brush their teeth after exiting the stall. Or give themselves a huge makeover, complete with vigorous hair brushing and foundation application. Or stare at a side view of themselves. Come on! What's more important? The way your ass looks in those pants or my poor bladder? If you didn't get it right before you left the house, chances are, fifteen minutes of ladies room futzing isn't going to help you.

I urge you to think about this the next time you decide to set up camp in there, people! The kidneys are very precious organs.