Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Ashley Madison (dot)(com)

I have never really posted much about my ex on this blog. In fact, I'm not sure I ever have. That's because I have invested a great deal of work (therapy, writing and artwork) to come out on the other side of that failed relationship a stronger, healthier person. I am not going to go into all the details, but I will reveal a couple of small things (very small, in the scheme of it all). About a year before I left him, I discovered a woman's blouse in the laundry. A pretty, white top purchased from Anthropologie (a store that was situated across the street from the building he worked in). It was very petite. Even at my small size then (I am now a medium - *gasp*), I was unable to fit into it. The blouse came out of an overnight bag that he had taken on a recent business trip. In addition to this, a piece of poetry about another woman was found on the dining room table (I must admit, I had started snooping at this point and found it sandwiched between a bunch of other papers). As you can imagine, he denied any foul play. I tried for a year to convince myself that the blouse appeared out of thin air and took the poetry with it. Truth be told, I wasn't ready to shake up my life just yet. I don't think he denied the affair because he loved me that much or even cared about my feelings a great deal. I think he was simply terrified about how he might be perceived by others had they known that he - the golden boy - could indulge in something so unethical and low. He didn't want his reputation or that of his parents to be spoiled in any way. It was easier to lie to me, his family, some of his friends and eventually even himself about it. He was practiced at bending the truth, telling half truths and hiding information at this point, so his denying everything was his only known recourse. I have come to terms with the fact that he will never, ever admit to the affair.

The reason I trudge this all up? Ashley Madison (dot)(com) - a site whose purpose is to connect people interested in engaging in extramarital affairs. WTF? It's not a joke. It's totally real and it's totally fucking disgusting. I have no issues with players. Play all day, if you want to! But don't make any commitments!

[I have since been involved with a caring, gentle and trustworthy person who is responsible with my feelings. And I have learned just how important it is to trust the person I choose to be with. Looking back into the old relationship from the outside, I feel wiser and more secure from where I now sit. I just can't help but wonder how many people are being victimized by Ashley Madison right now and don't even know it.]


Blogger bless_cyborgs said...

Its weird. I went to the site and there are a lot of single people on there. What's the point of that?

Cheating is a fascinating topic altogether such as

-Why people cheat (the psyche/personal history/childhood stuff)

-The cheating lifestyle (how the hell you keep up with all the lies and stories)

-The aftermath of cheating (the trickle down effect, especially in families)

-The societal viewpoint (the fucking condoning of it!)

December 5, 2008 at 5:07 PM  
Blogger DJDiva said...

I agree - it's disgusting. Why do that to yourself and to the person you are in a relationship with?

About 5 years ago or so - I was engaged to the wrong guy. There were many things wrong with the relationship and I knew it wasn't right, but couldn't quite pull the trigger to end it.

Then I started to have feelings for someone else. I realized that having feelings for someone else meant that I wasn't with the right person. Instead of hooking up with the other person, I respected my ex enough to end our relationship. Best thing I ever did.

December 15, 2008 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Caitlin - I don't know the point, really. It's a very selfish thing to do. And it sounds like a lot of work to keep up with all the lies and whatnot!

DJ - I wish everyone had as much class as you on this subject! You did the right thing and now you have no regrets about it. I hope you are in a happier place :)

December 19, 2008 at 6:51 AM  

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