Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I Walked Abreu on Purpose, Papelbon Admits

"Yes, I did it on purpose!" a seemingly drunk Jonathan Papelbon announced at PJ Kilroy's bar last night, a witness said. Papelbon, star pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, claims that he did, in fact, walk Bobby Abreu so that he could end Sunday night's historic game by forcing the red hot Alex Rodriguez into a ground out.

Before this public declaration, there had been lots of speculation buzzing around as to whether or not it was true. Many fans had proposed the theory, but it remained unconfirmed. During his drunken rant, Papelbon explained that catcher Jason Varitek suggested the walk to Abreu. The team captain used a very rare signal and the closer sent a firm nod in agreement. "We both wanted A-Rod to end the game. Don't you think I can fan Abreu? Bobby ain't got nothin' on the Wild Thing!"

Witnesses to the admission were stunned. One patron said, "After he came out with it, he began rambling on about his unmatched pitching skills. He actually called (Mariano) Rivera a chump and challenged him to a pitching duel! It was crazy, man!" Some fans used their cell phones to snap pictures of Papelbon posing by the bar's pool table, making his famously intense face, holding the cue like a baseball. The bar became filled beyond capacity with curious onlookers and the pitcher was kindly asked to leave, a source said.

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