Advice for the Enemy

Billy Crystal is walking around pretending that nothing is wrong. But we all know, similar to that scene in The Exorcist, he is crying out for help through messages on his forehead.

Hey, Billy, I feel your pain. We've been there. It's been a while, but Red Sox Nation is no stranger to hopeless baseball situations. Here's a little advice to the newcomers:

1. Get your jollies by rooting against the Red Sox. With all your might! If your stinky team can't put together a string of meaningful wins, then root for "whoever plays the Red Sox." Make up tasteless nicknames for Red Sox players and shout out, "Red Sox Suck!" at every game, regardless of whether or not the Red Sox are playing in it.

2. Give the Red Sox shit about their inflated pay roll.

3. Show us your soft side. Share your feelings. Have a good cry.

4. Talk about the days of old. Remember the Dynasty. Celebrate the good times.

5. Savor your victories. Though it is doubtful that your current team will provide you with much joy this year, live in the moment. Just don't praise A-Rod when he cheats to deliver a win. Which brings me to ...

6. Petition to get rid of A-Rod. Can't you see now why he is clubhouse cancer?

Try to keep your chins up, Yankee fans. Maybe someday, your organization will be run by an ethical group of professionals instead of the devil himself.

R.I.P. Charles Nelson Reilly

I've always been a big fan of Charles Nelson Reilly, particularly of the wise-cracking ad libs of his Match Game days. No one will ever wear giant, thick-framed glasses with such style. True "comedic chic."

You'll always be my center square, Charlie!

GFT02145: Keeping the Summer in Somerville

Greetings, one and all, from Winter Hill



Wow, the Red Sox are 11.5 games ahead of the Yankees. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Boston could manage to maintain this glorious lead over the Yanks all summer? I am not getting my hopes up, as tempted as I am. Even Steve Somers over in New York has put the proverbial fork in the Yankees (of course, Somers is a die hard Mets fan). I'm not quite ready to do that. I've seen the Red Sox blow huge leads in games and I've seen them lose their grip on their place in the standings. It's early yet.

On the other hand, it seems that no matter what the Yankees have tried to do, their so-called deep pockets have not brought them much return. Sure, Andy Pettitte is a decent pitcher (he is 3-3, with an ERA of 2.66), but you will need another 3 Andy Pettittes to accomplish anything resembling winning. Mussina, who the Sox usually fair pretty well against, is doing miserably right now (2-3, 6.52!). Add Wang to the shit camp, too (3-4, 4.13). These are the Yankees' best starters, people. That's pretty piss poor. They've got a couple of bright spots in Bruney and the much anticipated return of pukey Roger Clemens, but, overall, the forecast isn't very promising. For once, I'd like to see the order of the final standings look something like this:

Boston
Baltimore
Toronto
Tampa Bay
New York

Yours truly will be in attendance at tomorrow's "Trot Nixon Returns, Wearing the Opposing Team's Uniform" game at Fenway. I'm hoping that, with the power of my mind, I can change Trot back into a Red Sox player. I'll have to rent Zapped! starring Scott Baio for pointers.

Enjoy the remainder of this beautious Memorial Day weekend!

P.S. Will someone please get some Claritan for Tavarez? This is one of the worst player pictures I've ever seen.

Introducing the Graffy-Gram

I've decided to let Tony Graffanino, former Red Sox utility guy, become the official GFT02145 ambassador and messenger of Red Sox news.



Hello, boys and girls of Red Sox Nation. I'm Tony Graffanino and here is my first ever Graffy-Gram. I am here today to deliver a few brief reminders.

1. The Red Sox are indeed 8.5 games ahead within the AL East and they possess the best record in Major League Baseball. Both leagues, guys. Got it?
2. The Yankees continue to suck this year. Don't let anyone fool you - even with the addition of fat, old Roger Clemens, the Bronx Bombers are going to, at best, limp their way through the regular season. The best hitters in the world can't throw strikes. I've played in the majors, therefore I am a credible source.
3. Maybe Dave McCarty gets to sit pretty with Tom Caron for pre and post game shows, HOWEVER, he doesn't get his own regular installment of news and uncensored fucking opinion, like yours truly here on Gibberish from the 02145. Ha!
4. The Sox have Dice K. The Yankees have crap.

Well, that about does it, folks. Stay tuned for my next Graffy-Gram!

*end gram*

A couple of words about McCoy Stadium - It's pretty sweet for a minor league park. I actually feel more comfortable there than at Fenway due to its intimate feel. I am also happy that they recognize one of my favorite Red Sox players of all time - MORGAN BURKHART - in a large portrait. They've immortalized others, as well, but the half-assed artist they used to paint them didn't dare attempt a crappy painting of Burkhart. Thank heavens. Whoever this artist is has some serious issues with proportion. They turned John Valentin into Mr. Mackey from South Park. Seriously.

To Balance the Scales

Here is a pic of Amazing Larry, which is pretty ... uh ... amazing. Jere snapped it. He claims that is looks like a graduation picture. And it totally does.



Pawsox game was fun, even though we ultimately lost. I will post more about that later. Tonight, Jere and I are heading to Fenway to witness the first in a four game series with the Tigiz.

We're Off!

Jere and I are off to Rhode Island to attend our very first Pawsox game, evah.

Latest Painting

I took a snapshot of this construction site in New Haven some time around the holidays. I finally got around to painting it.

In other news: Roger Clemens has gone back to his old friends, the Yankees. I say: bring it on. I'll bet Schilling is licking his chops right now. Well, actually, he's pitching right now. But when he's done, he'll be doing the chop licking to be sure. The Yankees are beyond desperate at this point. It's pretty clear now.

S.O.S. In Review

My lack of posting has mainly to do with the fact that I've been super busy. Work has been uglier that usual, the weather has been beckoning me to play outside and Jere moved into my apartment last weekend. The last one was actually went pretty smoothly. He is a man of few things, unlike yours truly. Well, on both fronts. I am not a man. I own many things.

We browsed around during the Somerville Open Studios yesterday. I was unable to participate this year due to the fact that I attempted to register 2 whole days late. I noticed that several of my Somerville artist friends did not participate and I am sure that this was the reason. It's always pretty cool to check out new stuff, especially when (a) there are free snacks and beverages and (b) it's practically right at your doorstep. Our main concentration yesterday was the Vernon Street Studios on, uh, Vernon Street. It's a converted factory and it houses what seemed like a couple of hundred artists. Unlike the New Haven Open Studios, which we've been to a couple of times, I didn't see any, I repeat, ANY monoprints. Thank heavens. There was an impressive amount of encaustic, though. I am always fascinated by the dimension, glassiness, and vibrancy of encaustic. I think, however, that there are rules when it comes to developing a piece using this medium.

1. First and foremost, some kind of old letter, preferably with a postmark of sorts, must be used as part of the composition.
2. If you don't have an old letter handy, try using an old map.
3. If you have neither of these things, then go with a piece of craft paper with illegible, cryptic notations that mean something to only you.
4. Collage style is the way to go when using encaustic.

There was an artist who, I guess, got tired of explaining the method to her visitors (she actually told someone this when they asked her about her work) so she typed everthing up and handed it out. God forbid you waste your precious voice on people kind and curious enough to come see your work! Okay, okay, I understand that repetition, particularly when going over the four points listed above, can be tiresome. But do you have to literally tell people that you are tired of explaining it?

The Sox should have won last night's game. If Cora were in it from the get go, we wouldn't have lost. Always use Cora. That's my new rule. I did enjoy the classic Tavarez finger pointing, though. He was so emphatic about the infielders turning a double play, he squatted and twisted up his arms, like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. It was amusing. Oh, and he did pitch a hell of a good game. Too bad he was matched with Santana.